PS Happy 203th birthday Baberaham Lincoln!
Kids
One of my least favorite practices here at work is the method of using a child's primal needs as motivation to speak English. For example, when it's snacktime, the kids can't eat until they've looked at me and said "Teacher, please, I want to eat!". As you can imagine, it is a rather pathetic scene. Of course, a bag of cookies is a phenomenal motivator, but it just troubles my inner conscience to dangle it over a four year old's head while they're garbling "Eat want I pleeeease!!". In these cases, I feel like we effectively teach them more about power dynamics, blackmail, and bribery than the English language.
This extends to going to the bathroom as well. For well-fed little kids, they usually don't mind waiting a few extra seconds for their snack, but going to the bathroom can be LIFE or DEATH. I learned this the hard way, when I asked little four year old Ellie to wait ONE MINUTE to go, and she started tearing up... grow up kid, I've taught four year olds before, I know you can wait sixty seconds, but of course I overturned the ruling and let her go.
Anyways, they are supposed to ask "Can I use the bathroom?" before they head out, but the trauma and chaos that rages inside young bladders often distorts rational thought, resulting in scenarios such as Kevin experienced in his class last week, when a little girl shouted, "TEACHER, I want to eat bathroom?!!"
Discipline. This is my Achilles Heel as a teacher, I rule at everything else, but I have a lot of trouble mustering the inner strength required to wield death stares, give time-outs, and yell at people. With the older kids, it's usually not to much of a problem, as long as you're well-prepared, they usually stay on track, but PRE-SCHOOLERS are a whole different animal. On their good days they are beautiful little angels floating through a precious world of fragility and innocence. On their bad days however, they are ferocious, lawless, criminally insane beasts restrained only by the straightjacket of their youthful impotence and adorability.
In my pre-school class, out of necessity, I am a discipline fiend (at least by my standards). I yell, I clap, I make extremely exaggerated frowny faces. But sometimes, I have to use extreme measures, sometimes I am forced to create the illusion that I can MANIPULATE DESTINY. How do I do this? Well, my preschool problem child, Big Charlie (real name Charlie), is a nightmare. He pushes, he instigates trouble, he DELIBERATELY DISOBEYS ME (Mufasa voice), and what's worse, he puts Nala in danger!!! (must stop with the Lion King references, I'm just still a little bummed I wasn't in the US to see it in 3D). But yea, I tried everything with Charlie, and nothing got through to him except blatant food bribery, which as I mentioned before, is my least favorite. So I had to manipute his destiny....
So one day, my Chinese co-teacher Kitty and I were taking the kids on a walk through the mall (yea we "walk" the preschoolers). We were walking train style, as in I am the engine, Kitty is the caboose, stay in between us!! As usual, Big Charlie was up to no good, and was prancing in front of me, deaf to my frowny-faced demands to stay behind me!! He was walking backwards, pretty much mocking me, and all the sudden I see a glass door opened out into the hallway.... and he is heading right toward it. Now, I manipulate destinies, but I'm not cruel, so I changed my frowny face to a concerned face, and called out, "Charlie, look out for the door!".
Unfortunately, Big Charlie took this as another rule ripe for the breaking, and in an attempt to further disobey me, he turns around and sprints forward... WHAM... right into the glass door. Justice is sweet. As Big Charlie lay flat on his back, I pass him with the other kids. Now as I looked down at Big Charlie with a wise and knowing look, I don't want to say that I gave him the impression that I created the door out of thin air just to stop him.... but I also didn't not NOT not not give him that idea. Either way, Big Charlie has behaved much better since then.
By far the best and most hilarious stories we see here result from the language barrier. Such was the case in a story Kevin told us the other night. (**WARNING** this is vulgar.) Our school provides "Demo" classes for prospective students, and the other day Christian, a teacher at Kevin's school was teaching one for a two-year old. The kid was very shy and was not very interested in participating.
Christian had projected a picture of a rooster on the whiteboard. When you touch the rooster on the board, it makes a clucking sound, so Christian was encouraging the kid to come up and touch the rooster. The kid was not having it, and sat there unmoving, stoic as a statue. Finally the kid's Dad decided to take matters into his own hands, rushed up, grabbed his kid, and brought him to the board, ordering "Touch the cock! Touch the cock! Touch the coooock!!!!" Yes, we are mature adults surviving in a foreign country, but give us a break, that was enough to crack up every English speaker in the room.
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